


Dead People Don't Talk So Do What You Want

by yureiod



Category: Gintama
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-02-23 09:43:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23709529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yureiod/pseuds/yureiod
Summary: Gintoki goes to visit Toshirou's grave, while thinking back on his life prior to Toshirou's death and shortly after.
Relationships: Hijikata Toshirou/Sakata Gintoki
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This came to be because of a thought I had at 2am and is my first fic so don't expect much.
> 
> it gets better by ch 3

Gintoki had gone to sleep late last night, but had been abruptly woken up by a stray cat outside toppling over the empty plate of food he had left for it. He checked the clock by the futon, 4:03 AM. Instead of returning to sleep he chose to stare at the ceiling, looking past it as though to gaze at the sky. This had become routine ever since the death of his lover, Toshirou, a few years ago, three to be exact.

* * *

He had not met up with any of his friends or the rest of the yorozuya since they all still resided in Edo and he did not have the strength to travel so far. Even if he did have the power to do so, he did not have the energy to put up with them doting on him as though nothing had happened. Maybe not so much that, but the slight change in their interactions with him. Considering that Otae did not jump at the chance to throw him across the room or throw an array of objects at him the last time he had gone to the Shimura residence. He noticed a similar change in Shinpachi and Kagura the last time he was with them likely due to them not attempting to yell at him as they did when Otose was hospitalized and on the brink of death.

Since this was different, it just had to be different because he already knew the pain of losing family such as his parents and later on Shouyou. This is not to say that Gintoki did not view Toshirou as family because he did but in a more intimate sense. He saw him to be his equal due to their similar upbringing during the war and determination to lead the following generation on a better path in life without necessarily sheltering them.

* * *

Gintoki is not sure when he began to view Toshirou in another lense but he did know when it began for the other.

It was back when they lived in Edo, Gintoki in the Kabuki district and Toshirou in the Shinsengumi barracks. They had been at each other's throats a multitude of times prior to the Shinsengumi and Mimawarigumi battle over the Joui patriots in the check it out gang. Such as their first fight on that rooftop where Hijikata had learned of his skilled fighting abilities with and without a sword.

But it was there on yet another rooftop that Gintoki had revealed himself to be the infamous Shiroyasha, lumping him into the same group as Katsura in the eyes of Hijikata. He had expected the Vice Commander to be in a state of shock when he revealed his identity but was instead faced with cackling as though something had just clicked in place. Gintoki assumed this was as close as he was going to get to seeing Toshirou unhinged and just went along with it. He did not know then but Toshirou had laughed because _of course the one man I have taken a liking to was a damn rebel in his youth_.

Once the fight had reached its end and Hijikata arrested him, all he could think of were Hijikata’s words _“we brats must stick together.”_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah my bad for updating a month later

They always woke up next to each other in a comfortable silence. Lazy weekends were not a normal occurrence at their residence. 

Despite no longer living in Edo, Shinpachi and Kagura would make the trip to the beach every weekend that they could. This being more often than not much to the annoyance of Toshirou because Kagura would always threaten him if he so much as looked like he was teasing Gintoki. Since it was not like he was the one that started all of their quarrels, that would be Gintoki every time he got bored which was very often. Or rather it was Gintoki’s way of saying he wanted attention.

It wasn’t much of a problem though because Toshirou would gladly get him to calm down with a smack across the head followed by a few pecks on his cheeks and neck immediately after. 

“The fuck was that for you damn tax thief!” Gintoki would yell as though it wasn’t the exact reaction he had wanted. Leaving him with a slight blush on his cheeks and faint smile, even if Toshirou left him with a minor headache. Without fail Kagura grimaced unlike Shinpachi, easily flustered, quickly turned red in the face and averted his gaze. 

Their visits were mostly spent indoors because Kagura and Shinpachi claimed the trip was exhausting. Gintoki wouldn’t push the topic even though he knew of the train stop nearby but just assumed they got to the beach like they did when they were children in the gruelling heat. It was the only reason why their house had more than just sweets and mayonnaise. As well as an air conditioner courtesy of Toshirou even if Gintoki would claim it was his money because that lottery ticket was his to begin with.

After a few hours of lounging around inside Shinpachi asks them “Gin-san what do you guys even do, you’re always home whenever we visit?”

“I’m just doing what I usually do,” Gintoki replies as he puts down his copy of jump and sits up.

“Yeah but Gin-chan aren’t you still too young to be acting like you’re retired,” adds Kagura.

“Maybe I keep my weekends free because I know it's the only time you ever visit me”

“You’re just avoiding the question”

“That may be true but my answer isn’t going to make much of difference in your decision of when to visit us”

“Are you hiding something from us?” Kagura and Shinpachi asked in unison.

The yorozuya all looked towards the doorway when they heard Toshirou let out a chuckle. They were about to ask him why he laughed when he began to speak. 

“Well recently he’s been learning how to swim, and failing miserably.”

Gintoki’s face became red the moment those words left Toshirou’s lips. Toshirou took note of this and continued.

“He still uses arm floaties even though he only swims by the shore since he’s scared of going any deeper into the water.”

At this point Gintoki launched himself off the couch to stop Toshirou from embarrassing him any further. But it was too late because Kagura and Shinpachi were already on the floor laughing in tears. 

“GIN-CHAN IN FLOATIES --- THIS IS A NEW LOW EVEN FOR YOU”

It was just like that that they decided to make fun of him for the rest of the day. They only calmed down once they realized they had not eaten so Shinpachi made dinner for the four of them. Toshirou set up the table while Gintoki made sure Kagura didn’t try to steal some food before it was ready. Once Shinpachi brought out the food Gintoki took a seat next to Toshirou.

“You didn’t have to bring up the floaties,” Gintoki said under his breath so that only Toshirou would hear. 

Toshirou didn’t miss a beat and responded just as softly,“I could’ve said worse things like how you feed that stray cat because it reminds you of them.”

Gintoki turned his head to face Toshirou only to see him with an indifferent look on his face. He hated it. So he did the one thing he knew that would get him a reaction and leaned in.

* * *

The alarm rang throughout the bedroom. Three hours passed while Gintoki stared at the ceiling in a seemingly thoughtless state. Once he realized how much time had passed he thought it was best to get up and get ready for that day's trip. Gintoki sluggishly got up from the futon and headed towards the bathroom. He stared at himself in the mirror shortly after splashing his face with cold water. 

He still sees him in his reflection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> since the semester is over I have more time to write so maybe the next chapter will be uploaded next week? don't hold me to that tho


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um so that was more than a week...  
> anyways at least its longer than the last two chapters :)

Gintoki has gotten ready fairly quickly. The only thing he had to worry about was going to edo without being noticed by the others. He wouldn’t go there if he didn't need to but he wasn’t about to visit Toshirou’s grave empty handed. Even if that's what his younger self would have liked to do. Afterall they both didn’t care much for the dead to begin with. So as usual he was going to have to suck it up and learn how to live in society again and made his way to the train station.

The train ride to Edo was always fast but not fast enough for Gin to avoid thinking back on their time together.

* * *

Leaving behind Madao and the kids to go look around after scamming the Shinsengumi Commander, truly one of his best plans. Especially since he didn’t think it would work a second time. Gintoki had made his way past the stalls at the fair. He spotted Toshirou standing in front of a dango station pouring a whole bottle of mayonnaise on it. Sure it was a revolting combo but Gin was willing to look past it, and walked towards the stand. 

Toshirou noticed Gintoki immediately but thought it best to act indifferent. Although it became a bit more difficult when he felt Gintoki standing in front of him ordering a plate of dango. Usually he wouldn’t have thought much of it but after the mass amount of events they went through together he couldn’t. Toshirou realized that it wasn’t just annoyance that he felt towards the other and that that was a result of his romantic feelings towards the other. It wouldn’t be much of an issue if Gin kept his distance when he tried to start an argument with the other. Always right in his face staring into his eyes while maintaining his dead fish eyes. Bringing up random instances of when Toshirou lost in a fight because he knew that’s what would bother him the most other than mayo slander. And to top it all off he was convinced that Gintoki did this just because he was bored and that he would never return his feelings. 

Gintoki on the other hand was very much aware of Toshirou’s feelings but didn’t want to act on this knowledge out of fear that they would be one of those on and off again couples. Although he did take advantage of it whenever he felt like looking into Toshirou’s eyes mostly he found them mesmerizing. He was especially fond of the way Toshirou would hold his gaze despite knowing how much he wanted to look away. As well as the fact that Toshirou didn’t seem to notice that the blush on his cheeks no matter how light, was still noticeable even if only from that close distance. He won’t mention it though just to keep the peace between them. 

Once Gin received his plate of dango he turned around to face Toshirou. He's not sure what he was expecting but it sure wasn't Toshirou’s mouth being covered in an insane amount of mayonnaise even if it was to be expected. it was odd though because he rarely ever let mayo go to waste and miss his mouth. 

"Oi you know this whole mayo thing you got going on is already disgusting enough, do I _really_ have to see it smeared on your lip?" 

"No one's telling you to look at me," Toshirou bit back.

"Well it's kinda hard not to, since you're still standing next to the stall and not literally anywhere else," Gintoki sneered.

Toshirou didn't know how to respond and all he thought of was why was he still standing here, nothing was holding him here. So he decided to wipe the excess mayo and walk away without another response.

Gintoki reached out his hand and was about to stop Toshirou from walking away when he stopped in his tracks and called the yorozuya’s name. This caught Gin off guard but he quickly composed himself and replied with a short hum.

He’s not sure what made him stop let alone speak up but he does it anyway. “Do you wanna go eat the dango somewhere else?” Toshirou asked under his breath in his best attempt to ignore the slight quiver in his gut, which were most definitely not butterflies. Gintoki’s face lit up but was gone in a second leaving Toshirou to wonder if he had imagined it. Either way it made a soft smile appear on his face.

They opted to leave the festival because it was getting more crowded as the night went on. Gin took the lead since Toshirou looked as though he had no clue where to go and just said the first thing that came to his head. Toshirou followed Gintoki to the entrance of a building and up the flight of stairs to the roof. He probably should’ve asked him some questions as to how and why he had access to the rooftop of a building that he definitely doesn’t work at but at the moment it didn’t seem important. Which is kind of embarrassing when he thought about it later since he realized that he's a grown man with a job and not some random teenager. But Gin filled the silence as he usually does whenever he notices the other being a bit too quiet.

“I asked the owner if I could use the rooftop tonight for my stall at the festival, he was confused why I needed it because the festival is a couple of blocks away. Maybe they thought that I was just gonna use it to watch the fireworks so they gave me the key. I would’ve just snuck in if they didn’t but they did so it’s okay,” Gin spilled out the moment they set foot on the roof.

“You shouldn’t be telling a member of the shinsengumi that you were going to trespass on private property.”

“Yeah, but you’re not on duty now so it’s not like it matters.”

“Still what makes you think I’ll just ignore it once I’m working again”

“Uh -- I don’t know because you followed me here without asking any questions so wouldn’t that make you an accessory if I hadn’t gotten permission?” Gintoki scrutinized. 

“I guess,” Toshirou responded as he walked away from the other. 

The conversation came to a halt as Toshirou walked towards the edge of the building and leaned against the railing. He looked towards the festival and realized that they had walked quite a while since it was barely noticeable in the mass array of city lights. Gin walked towards the edge as well and stood next to Toshirou. 

The distance between them was comfortable until Toshirou started to think about why he had asked the yorozuya to hang out. _We already ate our dango on the walk here so why is he even still here, doesn’t he have other places to be and people to be with like the kids. What is his reason for taking him to an empty rooftop? Wouldn’t he prefer being alone if he wasn’t with his family?_

“You know you don’t have to be so nervous it's not like we’re on a date, ”Gintoki interrupted Toshirou’s thoughts. Heat ran up Toshirou’s neck as those words left Gin’s mouth. Yes, that’s what was eating him up, them being alone on the rooftop for no reason just for the sake of being together was eerily similar to the concept of a date. But he didn’t have time to process that thought before he was once again interrupted. This time not by the man next to him but by the fireworks that began going off. 

The flashes of blue and purple looked beautiful across the night sky. The hues bounced off Toshirou’s face and had him in a moment of awe. Gin took this chance to look at him and watch as the bursts of the lights reflected off of his eyes and skin. He surveyed his face changing his focus every second starting again with his eyes, his v-shaped bangs that cover his forehead, his nose, the curve of his cheeks and lastly his lips. It was at that instance that he averted his gaze back towards the fireworks. 

As the fireworks came to a close with the largest one already bursting Toshirou turned towards Gin and asked “Why were you staring at me?” This caught Gin off guard because he was aware that he didn’t hide his staring but he wasn’t expecting the other to bring it up.

“Actually don't answer that.”

"Pfft when was the last time I've ever done anything you've asked? I was just staring at your annoyingly nice face that still manages to shine in the night."

"I guess its true that I'm attractive yet I can't seem to get the one person I'm interested in to see past that."

_So it really was nothing, just another one of his backhanded compliments. Might as well just keep on being bold, not like he's going to do anything._

"You know one day I might just take your comments seriously and act on them."

Toshirou was taken aback when Gintoki placed his hand over his and lifted them up just enough so that he could intertwine their fingers. The urge to pull away was compelling but deep down he knew he wanted to stay put so he did. This time he was the one caught staring even if it was just at their hands.

“Oh? And who might that be Hijikata-kun? I hope you’re not talking about me -- wait actually I do hope you’re talking about me.”

It took him a moment to fully process what just happened and fixed his eyes on Gintoki. 

“This better not be one of your attempts at being funny because I promise you I’ll end you right now,” growled Toshirou, who didn’t want to look like a fool falling for one of the yorozuya’s bad jokes.

“I don’t think I’m one to play with a man’s feelings. If I didn’t want to do this I simply wouldn’t, pity is the worst response a person can give to confession”

“Why do you always avoid the question it’s either a yes or no,” he replied secretly hoping for a no because he knew how to react to rejection and not the acceptance of his own feelings. The thought of Gintoki returning his feelings has never crossed his mind and now that the possibility exists he’s not sure how to react to that. 

Gintoki took this chance to lift their hands just a hair's width apart from his lips and let out in soft breath “yes.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so thats the last time I ever try and give myself an uploading schedule or give people expectations  
> im still not sure how many chapters its gonna be or when its gonna be completed so imma leave it at that  
> that lowkey reminds me of a post that said "maybe its a slowburn bc it gets updated every six months" hopefully it doesnt become that bad
> 
> oh also tysm for the kudos I know there's not a lot but I genuinely didn't think people would read this let alone like it especially because my brain still can't process that real people are reading this


End file.
